[ the flower has wilted. I am alone. ]

Toshiya's [ angel ]

2004-08-15T03:30:00.000-07:00

The very next day i woke up and decided to buy some nice food for Toshiya and go visit him. My poor sick baby. I always feel like he does need to be protected. And i should be the one to protect him from everyone and everything. Well we end up drinking sake and watching a horror movie. I dont really remember how or why but.....there was that moment where i wished i would have kissed him. Then....then i realized that i dont feel atracted to him in a physically way. He is my best friend, my sweet baby i want to protect. Like the little brother i´ve never had. So i told him to go to bed and so did i. .....i was woken up hours later. By Toshiya himself. He was begging me to stop. The very first thing i saw when i woke up were Toshiyas eyes. They were looking at me with...fear. I realized i was pushing him against the wall, my hand touching him hungrily. I was sleepwalking.

Die held the mobile phone in his hand chewing on his lower lip nervously. He took a deep breath as he dialled the number quickly.

Toshiya answered lazily. He hadnt been bothered to do anything lately- he was still kind of recovered from Kaoru. Get this. Maybe he was in for a chance, Maybe he wasnt. But- Kaoru kissed him anyway. He wondered if thats what Die meant by people taking advantage. "Moshi moshi..?"

"T...Totchi?" Die spoke nervously. "its me ne..Daisuke." Toshiya froze. "Hi Die.." He might as well be nice. "...How are you?" he asked.

"I..yeah i am fine" good old liar daisuke. "we should talk, totchi. I mean, please lets talk. If you dont want me to come over we can meet outside." "No..." Toshiya said softly. "Come over. Its alright.."

"Are you sure?" Die sounded lost. For some reason he thought he would scare Toshiya.But yeah he didnt want to talk to have this kind of special conversation in public."I promise i only want to talk to you , Totchi. See you in 10 minutes." he then hang up quickly. Well then Daisuke, go and try to explain yourself, the only thing you are bad at.

Toshiya put the phone down and limped to the sofa, sighing. He sure as hell wasnt scared of the guitarist. But he had heard off Kaoru that he was on medicine because of it. He didnt think the whole thing worth it... He didnt want Die to suffer on his account.A Few minutes later the guitarist found himself infront of the building Toshiyas flat was in.He took on the sunglasses, he was afraid of looking into Toshiya's eyes. No...afraid wasnt the word he was searching for..ashamed, yes ashamed was the right one.

Toshiya was in the process of tidying the place up. He hadnt realy bothered to put on makeup today. He couldnt find it, anyway.

Die waited for the other one to open the door, wondering if Toshiya was able to move yet because of his ankle. Toshiya heard the knock eventually, and opened the door- smiling a little at Die like he always did. He opened his arms for a hug.

Die looked at him, his eyes melting as he saw his friend. He then noticed him waiting for a hug...and quickly took a step forward, his strong arms surrounding the younger man , pulling him closer as he hugged him tightly. " I am sorry, i am sorry, forgive me, please!" he spoke quickly his eyes shut.

Toshiya smiled widely, and put his arms around Die in return. "Its alright.." he said soothingly. "You didnt know what you were doing. It isnt anyones fault.." Truth be known- he missed him.

"I didnt but..still.. thats no excuse. I am sorry Toshiya, i wish i could make it all unhappen. Gods.." he took Toshiyas face in his hands looking at him as if he wanted to make sure that yes, Toshiya wasnt hurt. "This wont happen again , i promise. Look at me. I promise To-chan. I am giving you my word, this wont happen again."
Toshiya smiled a little wider, and nodded in Die's hands. "Its alright.." he said soothingly. "Dont beat yourself up about it. Its over- done with. " His eyes looked concerned a moment. " Kaoru told me about medication..?" Die frowned a little. "He did?"

"Umhm..." Toshiya responded, and led Die inside, shutting the door softly. "Are you sure its nesicary..? It hasnt happened for years- and if its making you suffer- please stop" Die shook his head rapidly. "See Totchi, its not because of you. I..i´ve been talking to the doctors.It could happen again you know. And yes people even tend to act violently when they are sleepwalking. And i dont want to hurt anyone. I can even hurt myself. But..the medication will help so dont worry" the redhead smiled softly.

"But does it give you side effects?" Toshiya asked, concerned. Taking off Die's sunglasses for him.
"Dont!"die reached out to stop Toshiya but it was too late. Yes it gave him side effects. You could see it on his eyes. He felt tired and sleepy. And he felt to lazy to even breathe. Toshiya looked into Die's eyes and they registered fear again. He stepped back.

"To...." he reached out his hand to touch him. "Dont look at me like that..please.." he sighed, his gaze moving away.

Toshiya instantly apologised. "Gomen ne~" and he hugged Die again, looking up and brushing his hair from his eyes. "The pills?" he asked. Die nodded sadly."Yeah, but i´ll get used to them soon. So no worries." he managed a fake smile and patted Totchis back.

"...I dont want you to keep taking them.." Toshiya said sadly.

"I have to, silly.What if i keep doing things while i´m asleep?..By the way.." dies gaze returned to Totchi. "what have i exactly done..?" Toshiya brushed it aside. "Nothing bad. You just kissed me a few times. " he kept quiet about the rest. Dies eyes went wide open. He opened his mouth to say something but..he couldnt find the words.

"Its alright.." Toshiya said gently. " You didnt know. " he smiled a little at the older man- trying to make him feel at rest."Still.." the older man turned red. "Thats so..embarassing" Toshiya shrugged. "I kissed Shinya when concious. You dont knowembarrassment. " he smiled a little and walked further into the house- his ankle beginning to hurt.

"We should sit down ne." Die followed him and slid and arm around his waist helping him to the couch. "its still hurting , huh? poor baby." "Its getting better~" Toshiya said happily. "I can stand for ages now. " Die then helped him sit down and sat next pulling Toshiyas feet to his lap. "How are you doing lovely? You look kinda...sad." die hoped it wasnt because of what happened 2 days ago.

"I'm alright.." Toshiya said, allowing his legs to go into Die's lap. he sighed deeply-- not being able to stop it- and looked into his face. "I told Kaoru.."

Die knew what Toshiya was talking about. "Oh my.." he started massaging Toshiyas feet slowly to make him relax. "What happened after you told him?""nothing. " Toshiya said slowly. " I expected anything. Anger- anything. even if it was horrible like that. and all I got was silence and confusion. Then I started crying becaue I felt like a stupid kid. Like my feelings were pathetic.. too pathetic for Kaoru to even regard. and he followed me up to my room. and he said yes.." Toshiya still looked sad. "Sometimes I think its out of pity."

"he said yes?That he loves you back or what? " die was confused. "I think so." Toshiya said- confused in the same manner.

"Then why do you seem so..unhappy? See dear..i bet Kaoru just reacted like that first because he had to think about it." die smiled brightly. "You should consider yourself a lucky Totchi now. As lucky as a person can be if they were told that Kaofuzz loves them!" die made a face and laughed.

Toshiya smiled a little, and lowered his head- wringing his hands together. "I think he only said yes to not hurt my feelings. "

The redhead blinked. " No Totchi, no. I dont think so. I mean, even if Kaoru likes you and doesnt want to hurt you, he has his pride , he wont lie at you. He knows that lies only make things worse. Its better to tell you the true than lie at you and have a fake relationship. Believe me, he is smart enough to know it"

"Okay. " Toshiya nodded and promptly squealed happily. "Im in a relationship with Kaoru!"

Die smiled brightly and nodded . "yes you are....you are.." he loved Toshiya, but he loved him that much he wanted him to be happy and now he seemed happy. "If Kaoru ever hurts you though..." Dies eyes darkened...

"He wont." Toshiya said happily, and wriggled onto Die's lap, giving him a huge hug. "My guardian angel.."

"Oi!" Die pretended to complain but smiled warmly his eyes melting. "I love you Totchi!" Toshiya cackled cutely. "Love you too!" he said happily and nuzzled him. "Yeah.." die smiled."Lets spread the love into dir en grey and wait if its going to kill our gnomechan kyo!" he laughed.

Toshiya cackled louder.. " Kyo will implode!"

"Do i care?" the redhead laughed softly and kissed Toshiyas forehead. "I am glad you seem happy. I should congratulate Kaoru by chance!""I dont know about the whole thing.." Toshiya said softly, resting his head on Die's shoulder and playing with his shirt. "well you´ll find out soon. Dont hesistate ne." Die spoke softly. "Things will be fine, i am optimistic."

"Thanks!" Toshiya said, smiling, and moving his hand upwards to play with Die's hair. "Just... we spoke a lot more when we were friends. I dont like the silence."

Die responded sympathetically- "Well i guess Kaoru needs his time to get used to the new situation. You know him. But..may i ask why him?" Toshiya put an arm round Die's waist, still sitting sideways on his lap- head on his shoulder. " I dont know.." Toshiya said, softly. "In my mind he always treated me different than anyone- and was always kind. Always smiling for me.. and there with advice when it all went wrong. " Kind of like Die. Toshiya thought. But he was more fond of Die- granted. but oddly- not in the same sense as Kaoru.

Die smiled: " I know how you feel like. He is someone people can look up at. "

"You're right.." Toshiya said, softly. " he doesnt know it-- but I really respect that. I love his sense of calm."Die laughed out loud. "yeah calm..the oposite of me!" he poke Toshiya in the ribs and pretended to be pouting. "but being calm all the time isnt fun!"

Toshiya grinned. "Good point!" He smiled softly. "Sometimes I think you're my hype Die. "Die rose a brow. "Now if i only knew if thats a good or a bad thing!" he smirked and pinched Toshiyas cheek lovingly.
"Its a good thing. " Toshiya said softly, actually smiling at being pinched.

"Eh..now dont make me blush!" die grinned. "But yeah i love compliments!"

Toshiya smirked wider. "Okay. Die... I really adore you because you can make me laugh when im feeling like shit and one day I hope I can make you feel even half as good and as secure as you make me feel. " Die stoped laughing and grinning his face turning more serious.."You already do To-chan." he whispered softly his gaze meeting Totchis.

"Really?" Toshiya asked, seperating his head from Die's shoulder and looking the guitarist in his eyes, a smile going over his face. Then he suddenly had a thought. "Yes , dear,really!" the redhead smiled at him.

"Everytime i feel bad i just need to have you around and it brightens my day." "Awwww~" Toshiya smiled more. Die poked Totchis forehead and laughed "yeah, thats why i am calling you my sunshine!"

Toshiya brushed Die's hair from his eyes for a moment- and looked into them. " I just had a thought.." he said softly. " You think that maybe... to help the sleepwalking, you could just put a lock on your room every night? Like... one that you lock. and you wont be able to get out of in your sleep. " he asked. Die smiled, his eyes shining. "Thank you lovely..thats a very good idea" he didnt tell the bassist yet that he put locks on every door and window in his house.

Toshiya's smile faded a little, and he rested his head against Die's body again, hugging him to him tightly. " Im worried about you.. "

"You dont need to , sunshine." die smiled softly kissing the top of Totchis head. "i´ll be fine. I am the strong bouncy Daisuke, remember? A stupid sleep disorder wont break me. Not at all!" "I know it wont break you.." Toshiya said sadly. "But I dont want you having bad side effects... " He carressed the side of the other man's face innocently.

"Shhh...i wont." Die tilted his head to the side kissing Totchis fingertips softly."Stubborn.." Toshiya said softly. "Thats me!" he answered and smiled in the same soft manner. Toshiya raised a skinny arm and fwapped die lightly over the head.

"Oi! What was that for!" he whined dramatically. "Bad to-chan. BAD!"he then laughed and started tickling toshiyas sides.Toshiya gasped, and started wriggling on Die's lap, squirming onto his stomach-- unable to stop laughing. "Thats the punishment for being mean to your Superhero!" Die growled softly then grabed Totchi , lifted him from his lap and set him aside. "FEAR THE EVIL GUITARIST!" he laughed and tackled him carefully then crawled ontop of him pinning him on the couch and started tickling him again.

"Aaaaah!" Toshiya squealed, and attempted to kick his legs-- it not really working-- face screwing itself up- hair becoming messy as he wriggled his thin torso."Now say "i am sorry die-sama! I will be a good Totchi!" Die laughed and stopped tickling him.

Toshiya stuck his tongue out at Die- and rasped. Looking at him cockily from underneath his sea of black and blue hair."Now who is the stubborn one? huh?" Die laughed .Toshiya grinned, trying to make himself more comfortable. " I learned from the best~" "ACK! " the older man laughed. "Yes you did but.." he smirked as he stuck out his tongue at Toshiya. " you dont seem to be in the best position for being stubborn , you know"

"Whats the big bad Die going to do?" Toshiya asked, brattily. "Tickle you to death?" the redhead smirked as he grabbed for Totchis wrists and pushed his arms against the couch. "And you cannot even escape!" Toshiya cackled, looking at Die's arms holding his down. " Seems to be a problem. You dont have any spare arms to tickle me with. "

Die sweatdropped. 1:0 for Toshiya. He smirked then : "i still have my tongue! Though i dont think Kao would like my tongue on you" he bursted out laughing. Toshiya started laughing too, really loud. "Nope!" "And i should fear big bad kaoru, should i?" Die smirked playfully. Toshiya smirked in response. Not saying anything at all.

Dies grin suddenly disappeared as he looked down at Toshiya. " We shouldnt be doing this." "...We're just playing... right?" Toshiya asked. He didnt ever want to feel like he couldnt play in the same way he always had with his friend.

"...Yes..we are..but..i am not sure if Kao would like the games we play even if those are only for fun." Toshiya sighed, and wriggled from Die. "Looks like a lot of things will change." he said, sadly.

Die pulled back and sat down calmly. "yes totchi." he sighed. It was kinda ..sad..and he wondered why he got slightly upset. He wanted totchis happines so he shouldnt bother over a change like that a long as it was for Toshiyas happyness.

Toshiya nodded slightly-- feeling upset. He didnt know what to think. He enjoyed feeling close to Die. Loved it. But now he couldnt have it.

Die smiled softly. "Its wrong to enjoy being close to someone else than the one you love totchi.I am sorry, it was my fault.""But you said you loved me. I love you too-- but theres different kinds of love. Die.." he took his shoulder and looked into his eyes sadly. "You're the person I've most felt close to in my life. Thats even more than Kaoru. I love you. ..." he felt stupid and stopped.

Die looked into Toshiyas eyes gasping. "Thats wrong Totchi..thats.." he then stopped. "I´ll prove you that i cant be closer to you than Kaoru." he said."Maybe then you´ll understand." he smiled softly."No.. I meant in a friend way. " Toshiya felt so exasperated.. and wanted to start crying.

"Even if so..there should be noone closer to you than the one you love. Let me...show you." he then smiled and whispered "dont be afraid." he gently took Toshiyas hand and pulled him on his lap. He smiled at Toshiya as he leaned over taking the younger mans face in his hands, his fingers touching the pale skin softly. " My sunshine.." he whispered before he planted a soft kiss on Toshiyas lips.

Toshiya stayed mute-- allowing the other man to kiss him-- and his eyes fluttered open afterwards- looking up at him in that childlike way- waiting for the other man to explain his reasons for doing that.

The redhead closed his eyes as he kissed the other man deeply.

Toshiya pulled back instantly, falling on his ass onto the floor. Okay. The other man had better have a decent explaination for that.

"See.." die smiled sadly.."and now tell me what you felt Totchi"

"You're my friend." Toshiya felt like crying. He was sick and tired of this- constant tests. He loved Die in a friendship way. A way totally different to the love he had for Kaoru- and that was what he tried to establish. DIe smiled and nodded "see. Thats what i was trying to show you. You could never feel that close to me than you feel to Kaoru. I am sorry for the kiss, i hope it wasnt that shocking."

Toshiya shook his head. "What does it say... If I actually did? I feel closer in a friendship way with you then I do with Kaoru. I realise that. But... Its vice versa in the relationship way. " Die laughed softly and helped Totchi up. "I guess i am done with my stupid tests. Poor you."

Toshiya got up, reluctantly, and sat awkwardly on the sofa. Unable to sit closely to Die-- and he missed the feeling so much.
Die smiled, relieved. EVen he has had his doubts about the way he and Totchi have acted to each other lately. But..after the kiss he knew there is nothing more than the deep love for a friend. "Now dont look at me like that!I didnt rape you or something!"

Toshiya tried to smile. "Die.." he said carefully. "No more tests, okay?" They made him feel awful all the time. Die nodded. "I dont think you need any more, dear. You have Kaoru to be on your side and protect you now. You arent on your own anymore. " He suddenly realized what he just said. Toshiya really ddint need his protection or lessons anymore. The redhead bit his lower lip. "Ne ..things will change a lot for us. No matter what , Toshiya, do never forget that you are my dearest friend."

Wow. Way to make Toshiya want to cry-- and highly question this relationship with Kaoru. He crawled onto Die's lap again, eyes sad. " Dont.." he said softly. He'd grown so used to showing the affection he felt for Die-- even though it was just a friendly affection-- he knew he was going to start sobbing any time soon.

"...you dont." Die smiled softly and tried to push away the younger man..as carefully as possible. "we need to stop acting like that. I am not the one to protect you anymore. Its someone else."Toshiya was insatntly hurt-- and you could see it in his eyes. But he tried again. "Dont.." he repeated.

"i...have no other choice." die said dryly. "i dont want you and kaoru to get into a fight because of this.Please totchi.....dont look at me like that. Just..." Die couldnt help it. He felt miserable.

"Kaoru's not the type of person." Toshiya pleaded.. But he knew it was final. so he stopped himself, and curled himself up on the other end of the sofa.
Die smiled sadly. "I should go. Good night Toshiya." he leaned over to place a kiss on the other mans forehead but then froze and laughed. "i have the memory of a fish i swear." he then just waved his arm. "Good night, Totchi. "

No...

Toshiya couldnt believe his ears. He looked upwards in shock- and just as soon as the guitarist finished that sentence- he jumped on him, pushing him to the floor and crying against him.

"Dont do this to me Toshiya...please.." die begged softly but then pulled the other man in a hug and sighed. Toshiya buried his face into the soft material of the other mans shirt and cried bitterly- not responding.
Die felt sick. Really sick. He remembered what he has told Totchi earlier.If someone ever hurts you Totchi i am going to beat the shit out of them. He closed his eyes listenting to Toshiyas sobs. I should beat myself then. "I am sorry To-chan..please dont cry." he spoke softly rubbing the other mans back, trying to comfort him.Toshiya stopped eventually-- pushing his face into Die's chest. "I can't.." he said- futilly.

"shh....shh Totchi..." Die held him softly and started rocking him slowly. "Shhh..i am sorry." Toshiya sobbed a bit more. Only for a different reason. "If... you ... If you still want to, its alright. " he said quietly, trying to get up.

"Totchi.." he made the other one look at him. "i didn´t say we should stop acting like this because i want it dammit...but because i have to do it.I have to let you go." Toshiya still couldnt understand... or didnt choose to- and he just nodded. "Hai.." he said quietly, standing up and trying not to be such a baby.

Die felt miserable..so miserable. He stood up slowly and huged himself. He felt so...lonely. Noone there who needed his protection anymore, but yes..thats life. "good night."

Toshiya DID need his protection. He valued Die more than anyone-- and those feelings made him think he loved Die in a romantic way once. But it was even more than that- in a friendship way. Romances end. Friendship doesnt. And he NEEDED him. It wasnt even a case of want. Die looked at Totchi and smiled. "sweet dreams." then started walking to the door.Toshiya resisted the urge to start crying-- and couldnt help letting a long sob escape his body. His angel was leaving him.

Die stoped at the door."See you at practice ne?" he smiled softly then left.

Toshiya walked to the door-- and looked into Die's eyes. No. He couldnt let this happen. He grabbed him by the arm and pulled hard- like a shild would- looking up at him with eyes overspilling with tears.

The redhead looked at him..."Do you need me?" "Yes!" Toshiya gasped out, and nodded frantically.
"Fuck kaoru and the damn rules ...." he said out loud.

Toshiya pulled Die into a tight embrace and sobbed against his shoulder. It all became right in his head now. He wouldnt dream of cheating on Kaoru, let alone anyone-- and if Kaoru couldnt trust him- and accept he was very close to his best friend- he didnt deserve to be with him. end of story.

"I cant..let you go.." die said softly. "And i dont care if Kaoru would accept it or not. As long as you need me i´ll be there. " he said softly .

Toshiya nodded against Die's shoulder. "if.. you ever start needing me- I'm already here for you... " Die laughed softly. "I already do. But..right now you should go to bed. Its already late."Toshiya wanted to invite Die to spend the night-- but he wouldnt know how the guitarist would take that. Die lifted Totchi and carried him to the bedroom then set him on the bed carefully and tugged him. " Good night, To-chan. Sweet dreams." he smiled softly, then bent over , kissed his forehead and nodded. "See you tomorrow, good bye, sweetheart."

Toshiya smiled softly, and put his arms up, taking Die in then, moving in front of him, and put the guitarist's arms around him, putting the cover over the two himself. "I trust you Die.. nothing will happen."Dies eyes turned sad. "dont......"

Toshiya looked at Die- turning round in his arms and took his face in his hands. " You can go if you want. But I swear to you- Nothing will happen. Nothing. ""I dont want to risk anything." die whispered. "What if Kao comes in and sees me sleeping next to you? Totchi pelase think about it..what if i...if i..."

"Kaoru will understand. We're both wearing clothes arent we?" Toshiya asked- reasonably. "Yes..but what if i do "it" again?...i cannot do this to you, i could never forgive my self. "

"You won't..." Toshiya said- gently. Because... - it happened once. and the guitarist was fine after that. he wanted to prove that he *could* do it- without being on these stupid pills that were fucking him up.

Die closed his eyes...Did he need Toshiya? Well now he did. He needed someone with faith in him since he has lost his own one. He then nodded slowly. "But if i start acting weird..just hit me over with something ok?"

"Promise. " Toshiya said affectionately, and he turned around, so his back was to Die, head bowed slightly, and legs curled up- holding Die's hands close to his heartbeat, shutting his eyes and starting to fall asleep- feeling happy, warm, and safe.

The redhead smiled slightly, toshiyas heartbeat making him relax. "I trust you." he said quietly before he felt himself slowly falling asleep.

Toshiya allowed himself to be lulled to sleep by Die's quiet breathing in his ear-- soothed by the regularity and the warmth of his breath. He trusted him indefinately. and always would. He eventually fell asleep himself-- a lulled blur-- still concentrating on Die's soft breaths- even as he slipped out of conciousness.

Die smiled in his sleep, moving a bit he somehow managed to rest his head against the younger mans chest, listening to his heartbeat feeling all safe, though he was the one protecting. As long as there was Toshiya who needed him, he couldnt give up himself and he wouldnt.

First fanfic. evar. o.o;

2004-08-06T05:14:00.000-07:00

[ miyavi x daisuke ]

yeah, its a Yaoi. As if anyone would expect anything less from me. Full lemon, If you dont like boy on boy, dont bother reading. ^.^

miyavi sighed, opening his lashes gently, quietly focusing on the man that lay beside him. his dark hues lightened as he fully focused on the other's form-- lying cutely, with his arms reached outwards towards him, legs curled up, and mouth open, snoring soundly, seeming to take up the whole bed.
so cute.
he found himself smiling gently, and moving a tatooed arm, fingers reaching to gently stroke the others hair- eyes focused still on the innocent expression of the other man as he murmered in his sleep. so much different to the way he usually was. Uuually he was forceful, demanding, and about the furthest thing away from suttle. ...Kind of like him. Kind of. Their differences were too large to even explain.
he withdrew his hand, and bruushed aside his own hair, the black, silken locks in disarray from the night before. the other man murmered slightly, and Miyavi shut his eyes, burying his face in the soft pillow, letting out a sigh of content, and shutting his girlish, full lashes.
sleep...
of course, he had remembered full well what had happened. Lying against that tree stump in the park with the other man, hearing those three words. almost crying at them... and feeling like the luckiest person in the world. he smiled beautifully, his eyes still shut, unaware that the other man had stirred and was looking at him with an expression of adoration. Walking from the bar.. the neon lights of Tokyo city centre illuminating and making Miyavi's face vivid in its natural beauty as he looked upwards, that ever present, beautiful smile on his face as he adored that man made star constellation of the multichanneled blinking light above both of thier heads. gazing at the actors and models faces smiling down on them as they clung to each other, laughing and joking, heading to the one place where they could see the real stars in Tokyo. The park.
Talking. smoking, looking up at the pink sky in sunrise-- and realising that the other had fallen asleep in his arms just before he could see the beauty of existance. Miyavi's reason for being-- why he was so upbeat and purely amazing to talk to. how he could always smile and laugh.
"it was because of the possibilities." Miyavi planned to explain. "every day is amazing, and makes an impact, be it in the smallest of ways. theres so much to see and that reminds me to be happy. to not be sad, to not be scared, to not waste my life dwelling on things."
but no. the other had already fallen asleep, hadn't he? too bad. he'd have to learn that little titbit of information later.
Miyavi was snapped back to reality when he felt the other mans fingers caressing his hair, and entwining strands round his thin fingers. he kept his eyes shut though-- and murmered a little, smiling wider, like a child when caught not sleeping. and he felt the other's soft lips brush his cheek.
Lashes opened, and chocolate hues looked at the other-- his happiness. maybe his salvation? maybe. only time would tell. The other shifted. sming a little, and brushing Miya's hair from his eyes. Miya smiled nervously, and the other man sank back down again, kissing his cheek, and curling up close to him. Miya held his head down, and kissed the others forehead. He sighed, and moved closer still, and spoke, finally. "Morning."
"Good morning, Daisuke! " Miya responded, cheerily. Smiling wide and kissing the others forehead again, while Daisuke yawned to himself, kissing Miyavi's adams apple. "How did I wake up here?" Dai asked, rubbing his eyes that were coated with the remains of yesterday's eyeliner-- blurred by sleep, and still beautifully black, in messy circles round his eyes.
"You fell asleep at the park. and it was cute, so i carried you back here." Miya said softly, feeling Daisuke yawn again. "Oh." he said quietly. "what time is it?" he asked, still half asleep and just gazing at the other man. Trapped in Miyavi's doe like eyes-- the eyes that could look so happy and innocent. a complete opposite of him. A very, very cute opposite of him. Yeah-- opposites attract, don't they? He remembred how they'd met. In the same recording studio, on their breaks. He'd fallen head over heels for the other man even in the few minutes they'd spoken. He still remembered Yuana's mocking tone as he walked back to their recording room, face pink, eyes glazed with what he'd seen. Of course he'd seen Miyavi on the TV and in countless magazines before--the guys solo career was really starting to take off. But nothing quite prepared him for the torrent of energy that was Miyavi, or the level of deepness, intelligence, and understanding that was the real him, or his amazing levels of confidence. He believed in himself to a great degree. and it was kind of refreshing to see that. His childlike expression, his micheivous streak, everything. and it was all so beautiful, every single aspect-- even glimpsing Miya casually speak, bite on his lip ring, as was his usual habit, or clutching that cup of coffee, eyes playing with amusement at every one of Daisuke's jokes. " I don't know. "Miyavi responded, and moved his thin, tattoed torso so his back was to Daisuke. Dai couldnt help but read the Kanji that adorned Miyavi's body. His tattoos covered him-- meant to be awkwardly placed, ...but looking nothing less than elegant on Miyavi. He highly doubted anyone else would suit them. Miyavi scrambled for the clock, reading it through small eyes, trying to make out the time."Its 2:30." he said softly. and he kissed Daisuke's shoulder, moving closer to him and moving his hands down his back, moving to kiss his neck softly, sweetly, and gently. Daisuke felt himself turn a little red. If Miya kept this up... even this small small level of affection, he'd seriously have problems. He sort of didn't want to get intimate with Miya, scared of forcing him, or hurting him. Because he felt so unworthy of him. Miyavi was beautiful-- and Daisukes mind was so wrapped up in past mistakes and shortcomings, that he felt he was unworthy of this.He didn't want to harm what he saw in any way. Infulence it or anything. Becase it was just perfect.
He froze, and held Miyavi's hand, just looking downwards a moment. Miyavi stopped, and touched Daisuke's forehead with his own, looking into his eyes. He moved to kiss Daisuke on the lips, and Daisuke kissed him back, gently. Miyavi ran his fingertips up Daisukes ribs now-- and to his nipples, and he felt himself going more than a little red.
Miyavi smiled, feeling Daisuke's crotch rise, and broke the kiss, looking at him again, and raising a hand to touch the pink skin. "Kirei..." he said sweetly, and Daisuke shook his head slightly. Miyavi raised a pencil thin eyebrow. "Whats wrong?" he asked.
"I'm scared." Daisuke responded, and Miyavi moved away- curling up. "Nani?" he asked. "Why are you scared of me?" His eyes turned large and innocent to the extreme, showing a little bit of hurt. He wasn't scary to Daisuke, was he? ... was he? That would be the most horrible thing imaginable.
Daisuke shook his head again. "No..." he said quietly. "... I dont want to force you into anything, Miya, anything. And... you really really turn me on. But its deeper than that. I adore everything about you, your face, when you speak, everything. you seem so deilicate, i dont want to break you, I can't. and maybe.." he paused. "Maybe if I dont touch you, you won't be broken. This isnt lust. I really, honestly love you. " Miyavi frowned, biting at his lip bar. Moving closer to Daisuke and putting his arms around his waist. "I want you to touch me. You won't break me... I'm not some little doll. I want this, Daisuke. I want you. " he said quietly, kissing the others ear, and returning to his back, sighing visibly.
Daisuke thought about Miyavi's words over and over. He wants it. He wants me to touch him. He wants everything to be normal. He... He isnt some kind of doll. hes a human being, just like me. with concious thoughts and emotions and feelings. and he wants me...
Daisuke kissed Miyavi's ear lobe and whispered to him. "As you wish. Only... Tell me when you want me to stop. " as his hand went up Miyavi's thin body, fingernails circling his navel before going to his nipple, and brushing against it with the nail repeatedly. Miyavi arched his back up against Dasuke's gentle touch, and nodded, shutting his eyes, feeling himself start to shift."Don't stop..." he begged. "Onegai shimasu... don't stop."
Daisuke moved himself on top of the younger man, and straddled him, leaning downwards to kiss him on the lips, fingers still playing with Miyavi's nipples, and Miya sighed into the kiss, opening his mouth, and letting Daisuke push his tongue in, and softly carress his tongue. Miyavi smiled a little, and pushed Daisukes tongue around, which in turn got a little growl, and a little pinch in the nipple. Miyavi turned red, and shut his eyes, moaning into Daisukes mouth a little. Daisuke smiled in the kiss, Moving his body upwards, and whipping away the blankets which covered Miya. revealing Miyavi's near naked body- already with goosebumps down his skin from the pleasure.
Daisuke ran his hand down Miyavi's ribs, and deepened the kiss a little, and Miyavi raised his head pushing into the kiss, and arching his body again, feeling himself shift underneath his boxers. Daisuke came up for air, and Miyavi sat up, kissing Daisukes shoulder and neck, and earlobe, pink muscle out of his mouth to lick and suck.
Daisuke went bright pink, his adams apple moving as he swallowed hard and his eyes shut. Miyavi snaked his tattooed arms around the others form, and held him closer, rocking a little with him, while still continuing the gentle torture on the others neck. Daisuke moaned loudly, shutting his eyes, head held as he licked his lips, hands pulling Miyavi closer by the waist, arms snaking round his thin body, sighing at every little nip and kiss from those sharp little teeth, the sensation of Miyavi's silken hair tickling his skin giving him goosebumps.
Dai placed his arms around Miya's waist, looking into his eyes and smiling. "....are you sure?" he whispered, closing his eyes as he did. He figured he had an idea of what Miya had planned but was still nervous. "I don't want to..seduce you...or take advantage...." he looked away as he spoke, not knowing what Miya would say. Miyavi touched Daisuke's chin, and kissed his nose. "I'm willing. Honestly. " he smiled a little, and moved to kiss him on the lips, moving his over Daisuke's quickly, and forcefully, hands going to his shoulders, to push him down, getting on top.
Dai's hand went to the edge of Miya's boxers, his fingertips caressing the material. He smiled against the other man's lips, allowing himself to be pushed. Dai felt himself becoming aroused further, his breath picking up as his eyes closed tightly. Miyavi lightly licked the bottom of Daisuke's lip to ask permission to go in, moving one hand to lightly grab the others crotch, before snaking up his chest, fingers brushing "accidentally" against the nipple.
" oh please.." he moaned softly, biting at Miya's lip as he did. His eyes shot open, staring into the other man's. They looked glazed over, his body shaking with need. He felt himself hardening at Miya's touch, he moved his hips around begging the other man. "please...I'd do anything.." he whispered, his voice broken.
miyavi smiled, and flicked Daisuke's nipple harshly, leaning in, and keeping it pinched gently between his thumb and forefinger as he slid his tongue into Daisuke's mouth, pushing it around. Sliding the other hand down his body, and expertly undoing his boxers quickly. Dai's hand went to Miya's crotch, rubbing it gently without much thought. He wanted this so long, he'd been dreaming about it constantly. Dai broke the kiss, leaning into the other man's ear and whispering.." love you...." He bit his bottom lip, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as his other hand went to Miya's back, nails digging into it harshly. Miyavi sighed into Daisuke's mouth as he felt this new feeling on his crotch, and Miyavi gave out a little gasp of pleasure, as he felt Daisuke's nails on his back. he straightened his back, holding his head up, grinding himself against Daisuke's hand and leg, whimpering at the sensations of Daisukes body underneath him- and his nails going into him. "I want you." he murmered.
A little glint went through Daisuke's eyes. Alright. Miyavi WANTED this. He couldnt control himself anymore. He smirked to himself, and Dai jumped up from Miya, quickly pinning him against the couch. He pinned his arms by his sides, leaning his face down and licking the other man across the face. " how bad do you want me?" he whispered, grinding his errection against the other man's. He let out a soft moan, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. He bit his bottom lip, wanting to get on top, and fuck Miya's brains out, but he contained himself. He wanted to draw this out, make this last a while.
Miya almost yelped in surprise, and raised his face, shutting his eyes against Daisuke's tongue and licking his lips. His voice came out crackled and distorted. "Really, really badly.." He raised his knee to keep rubbing the other's crotch, opening those beautiful eyes. Dai moaned, leaning back slightly, freeing one hand and placing it onto Miya's crotch. He slowly began to pull off the other mans boxers, leaning forward and pressing his lips against his neck as he did. He reached down, stroking his cock. "beg.." he muttered.
Miyavi raised his head- and moaned aloud. Playfully looking at Daisuke, deciding to goad the older man a little. "Never" he sneered. Although this was getting quite uncomfortable.
" Never?" Daisuke removed his hand, placing it on his own crotch, slowly pulling himself off. " never you say?" he whispered seductively, as Miyavi stared. Trying to get closer- the sight of the other man masturbating making him more aroused. Miyavi smiled at Dai, looking at him in anticipation. Deciding to goad him a little more. "Going deaf in your old age?" he asked. " calling me deaf? fuckin..." Daisuke crawled up Miya's body, straddling his chest. He stood on his knees, taking his manhood and forcing it into Miya's open mouth. His free hand went to his side, digging into his side painfully as he began to thrust himself into his mouth. " I'll show you deaf..."
Miyavi was surprised at first, and gasped a little, but soon took all of Daisuke in his mouth... having little other choice, really. He shut his eyes at the hand, and kept releasing a series of muffled moans. He started sucking harshly, as he held onto Daisukes hips, preventing him from thrusting. Then he pushed his tongue all the way down the main vein, and flicking the tip, digging it into the little opening, still holding Daisuke. Daisukes eyes rolled into the back of his head, and he moaned very loudly, body trembling. " You're good at this..." he panted out in ragged breaths.Miyavi responded by taking all of the other man in his mouth again, and dragging his teeth torturously slowly down Daisuke's length, smiling and looking up into his face with a playful look in his eyes as he did it. Aha, the blush on the other mans face had returned. then he flicked his tongue across the tip, causing out more yelps. "Please...!" Daisuke whimpered, and Miyavi shut his eyes again, leaning forwards and sucking gently at first, and then as hard as he could, moving his head to try and give Daisuke the most pleasure he could.
Dai's back arched, his head tilted back facing the ceiling. He let out a loud moan, his hand caressing Miya's cheek as the other continued its assault on his side, drawing a little blood. He leaned foward, his mouth open slightly as he whispered to Miya " I love you...." He soon came, and Miyavi swallowed what was shot into his mouth gracefully, though somewhat misjudging the amount. He wiped away the excess semen using the back of his hand. Licking his lips.Daisuke removed himself from Miya's mouth and fell backwards, pulling him ontop of himself. " only for you.." he muttered, his eyes cracking open. He wasn't used to being dominated, but he wanted Miya to do so....more than he could imagine.
"Nani?" Miyavi asked, only just realising, and looking very very very nervous, chewing on his lip bar. He shifted, face turning redder. ...He'd never been dominant before. He'd had many boyfriends... getting on the verge of a new one a week. some famous, some not-- but always a new person. But... he'd aways been the plaything. People used him half the time for his looks and his body. Casting him away when they'd had enough.
" Haven't you ever been...seme?" Daisuke whispered softly, running his finger through the other man's hair. He took Miya's hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing it gently. Miyavi felt so so so so so stupid. He looked downwards, and it his lip hard enough to draw blood, shaking his head. Daisuke sat up, pulling Miyavi's naked body into his lap as he did. His arms went securely around the man's waist. "Don't be scared...you don't have to do anything you don't want, ok?" his voice soft and caring as he spoke those words.
"....okay." Miyavi felt like some little virgin or something. And he was, wasn't he...? A virgin in the most filthy, sex driven way ever. Yes. He had been, and probably still was a man-whore... but actually very innocent and very easily hurt beneath it all. he kissed Daisuke, on the lips again, rubbing his crotch. Desperate to keep it going. "I want.." he said quietly, as he clenched his fist around Daisukes penis, to help get him hard again, and started, "I want you to tell me what to do. I'm alright. I just dont want to hurt you.. being stupid... and not knowing. I really dont want to hurt you. " He said this softly against the other mans lips, rubbing a little harder, feeling him stir.
" You won't hurt me...as long as you don't rip it off or anything like that." Daisuke smirked against the others lips, trying to make him feel better. He placed his hand on the other man's shoulders, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as he felt Miya pumping him harder. " I trust you...do you really need me to tell you what to do? Just go by instinct, do what you want to do...its a part of the whole dominating aspect..."
Miyavi nodded, and ran his hands down Daisukes legs.. positioning himself. Hopefully.. this wouldn't hurt him. He moved up Daisukes body, before laying him down. "Do you want me dry?" he asked, kissing his earlobe. " whatever you want....you're in charge, remember?" Daisuke smirked, bitting his bottom lip. Dai's eyes closed tightly, his hand running down Miya's side. He was a bit nervous, he'd never been dominated before." I've never been....submissive..." he muttered, arching his back slightly. Miya sighed as he fet Daisukes fingertips running on top of the little cuts he'd given him earlier, and he moved up again, kissing Daisukes lips. He moved, going through some bedside drawers, and pulled out a tube of lube. He kissed Dai's kneecap, squeezing the lube onto a finger, gently circling Daisukes entrance with his dry finger, abruptly and slowly pushing it inside.
Dai's eyes shot open, his teeth clinched together. Would he regret this? No, he wouldn't....at least he didn't think he would. His head flung to the side, his eyes closing once again. If this hurt, imagine when Miya actually put more than those fingers into...he quickly shook those thoughts from his mind. His nails dug deeply into his side, preparing himself for what was to come.
"Shhh..." Miyavi said in a soothing voice. "Relax.." he asked, as he felt Dai tighten around his one finger. He did the hard part, pushing the other lubricated finger in, and smearing the inside of him with the gel like stuff, brushing past a few sensitive spots with his fingers as he did. So tight...
Dai nodded, bitting his lip hard as the other man inserted a second finger. It hurt at first, until he suddenly felt Miya brush a sensitive spot. His back arched instinctively, a bit shocked by it. "oh...my.."he moaned out, his nails loosening from his sides. Miyavi smiled, and leaned down kissing and licking Daisuke's navel, going over the sensitive spot again, feeing Daisukes body press up against him. "Please.." Daisuke muttered, shifting very uncomfortably. "Fuck me."
Miyavi blushed a little, and nodded. Kissing Daisuke one last time before he raised the other mans legs, nuzzling the side and his face and his nose against one, tongue protruding to lick the back of the kneecap, teeth shutting a little to nip. Daisuke moaned again, and shifted uncomfortably. Miyavi pulled the legs on his shoulders- and kissed his kneecap again, Nervously drawing his length around Daisukes opening. Then, he pushed in the tip- slowly and even more apprehensively.
Daisuke gritted his teeth-- tears forming at his eyes even at this slight intrusion. Miyavi wanted to throw his legs down, apologise and beg for Daisuke to take him. He really did... but the older man seemed to want this so much... so his voice came out unsteady. "I... I love you, Daisuke."
Daisuke opened his eyes, and stared in wonder, pain forgotten. ...The kid admitted it... Miyavi had never told him that he loved him before. In the three months they'd been together, he hadn't even said that... and Daisuke always did. Always "I love you, Miya." "Miya, Ai shiteru." "Miyavi, I love you so much. " ...and here it was.. right now... He loved him... He smiled a little, more tears forming. "Aishiteru mo..." Miyavi smiled, and pushed himself into Daisuke. Daisuke shut his eyes and actually screamed. "Itai.. It hurts, it hurts!" he screamed, only now realising the pain he caused people when he fucked them.... And before Miyavi... Daisuke tended to seduce a lot of people. Sometimes, he believed if anyone would have told him prior to meeting him that he'd fall in love with him and abandon his sex crusades, he'd probably have laughed.... come to think of it... so would Miyavi.
Daisuke was only now realising what they went through- every time. Miyavi's voice was soothing. He lay inside Daisuke for a while, stroking his face, and allowing his insides to get used to his penis' length. Breathing in pants already, the tightness so new to him. It hurt a little... but he just couldnt describe it.
"I'm ready." Daisuke muttered, and Miyavi started moving inside of him, The older man yelped in pain regularly, so Miyavi tried tilting himself at an angle to try and hit the prostate. he brushed against the sensitive parts again... he needed to consentrate... he needed to, to give Dai pleasure. But Daisuke was clenching himself, making it even tighter. Much tighter. He cried aloud, the feeling intensifying in him. This was so good. Daisuke yelped suddenly as Miyavi pushed harder, and it turned into a moan. Success. He found it. Daisuke moved his hips, and Miyavi moaned louder. The older mans eyes snapped open.
"Miyavi.. harder..."
Miyavi almost laughed at this, but oblinged. Pushing into the other man harder and harder until he felt more and more pressure building. He felt like if he didn't release soon, he'd burn up at the core. He was overheating, despite being naked. Daisuke moaned appreciatedly, and Miyavi found himself going further and further in to him, as if not by a force of his own will, driven by the desire of owning the older man, panting slightly, mouth open. And he had an idea. He took Daisukes legs off his shoulders, still driving deep into him.
Daisuke groaned a little, raising an eyebrow. What was the kid doing now? He felt scared. Kind of... but he just rose an eyebrow. Miyavi lowered himself, keeping a steady rhythm as he went into the other man, and lowered his head. Licking the tip of Daisuke's erection. Daisuke tried to push upwards, and Miyavi held him down by the hips. There was no way he'd let him push upwards. it'd hurt too much. He kept licking. and Daisuke almost screamed in frustration. "Miyavi!"
Miya grinned and held Daisuke harder. "Patience..." Daisuke held his head back, the sense of pain sharpened by a particualarly hard thrust. Miyavi panted harder, pushing further and further into him till he hit the prostate. Daisuke actually screamed, and when Miyavi looked downwards, he saw the older man's thighs were covered in sticky blood, the smell of it rising to his nostrils. He didn't have much time to react, because as soon as he pulled away, Daisuke ejaculated and pulled himself away from the younger man. Miyavi looked at his member- Smeared in this horrible substance- and he felt a little ill. To ill to feel the unfinished feeling.
Daisuke grinned. "... Knew you had it in you..." Miyavi reddened, ...Daisuke... found this funny? In spite of himself, he laughed a little. Feeling awful afterwards. Daisuke raised himself, and kissed the other man on the cheek. "Ai shiteru..." Miyavi played with his fingers a moment.. Not wanting to say that he needed taking care of. Then bam. It happened.
Miyavi found himself reeling on the floor- His head snapping against the bed with a loud thunk, eyes shutting in confusion. He felt the familiar coppery taste of blood in his mouth, and his mind showed him an image of Daisuke's pale thighs.. the substance creeping down them with a scary speed, circling the thin bone structure. Insantly, Daisuke was on top of him, leering at him, with a hentai grin.
"Now to take care of you.... "
Miyavi whimpered in spite of himself, grinning a little. He knew it... He knew that Daisuke wouldn't be submissive for long. He should have known earlier, he noted with grim horror- to avoid killing a few brain cells. That was his way... Miya knew that he was into being in control and inflicting a little pain. And he truly didnt mind.
Daisuke flashed a smile, and turned the younger man over, instantly, making a loud cry escape Miyavi's kitten like lips as he entered him without any kind of preparation-- the kind that Miyavi had so strenuously and carefully used on him. Miyavi found his head being pushed into his soft carpet by a strong arm- and whimpered again, feeling Daisuke start to move inside of him without any waiting.
Daisuke used his other arm to pull Miyavi's lower half closer to him, growling at the lack of cries coming from the other. How dare he not make any sounds? How dare he? He tightened his face and pushed harder, effectively provoking a long cry. He pushed Miyavi's head down harder, and slapped his arms away when he attempted to stroke his bloody length. "Not till I say. "
Miyavi whimpered, and took his hand away, opening his eyes to look at the other man. Daisuke took a handful of Miyavi's beautiful, silken black hair, and admired the shine in his fingertips. Totally beautiful.. and he pulled on it hard, causing Miyavi to gasp, the sound entwining with his pants, mouth open, Tongue licking at his upper lip. Daisuke let go of his hair as he released, the scream seeming to be the factor needed for him to ejaculate, and Miya felt the cooling liquid fill his rectum. He soon released afterwards- and waited for Daisuke to take his hand off his head- and to pull out of him.
Daisuke was silent, his eyes calm and dreamy, lowered a little, as he panted slightly. Chest still heaving, and waiting for his heartbeat to slow down.
....
"Daisuke?" he asked. Black hair falling over his sweatsoaked face. He knew that if Daisuke stayed in this position, He'd likely get hard again. "Daisuke..." he whined, it really starting to hurt. Daisuke blinked. "Gomen, koi..." and pulled out of him and pulled him up gently. Miyavi exhaled into the carpet... feeling the after tingles he always used to get- of pain... and most importantly pleasure. and exaustion rolled into one. Daisuke used his strong arms to pull the frail boy up, and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Miyavi's eyes filled with tears- but it wasn't because of the pain he was in. "I hurt you." he said, quietly, face lowered. Feeling bad. Daisuke used his hand to gently caress where he'd dug his nails in earlier, and pulled him into his lap, using his hand to push the boy's face towards him and kissing him softly on the lips.
"Its alright. Really. "Miyavi's eyes wavered. "Really...?" The whole idea of him hurting another person made him want to cry. Call him a pansy, but he wasnt like that. He never really could bring pain to anyone. Even the sharpness that Daisuke took him was alright.. He knew that the other man still cared for him. He knew that was his way of doing things. He even kind of expected it from Dai, judging by looks. And... he kind of liked it. Alot.
"Really. " Daisuke smiled, and kissed Miyavi again. "Come on, lets get cleaned up. Share a bath?" he asked. Miya lifted himself off the shorter man, and pulled him up. "Sure." he said, warmly, nuzzling into the other mans shoulder like some little pet. He didn't mind it. He was a terribly affectionate person. Daisuke appreaciated the gesture, and ran his fingers along the other man's hair, entwining his fingers in the other mans sleek locks. Miyavi sighed in contentment, shutting his chocolate hues happily, behind his sea of long eyelashes. Lightly smiling, holding Daisuke closer with a long, slender, tattooed arm, the softness of the older man's skin feeling right against his soft cheek. Everything felt so right, now...